Blog Series: Rethinking Trauma & Relationships

Vicki Johnson Author

This curated blog series walks you through exploring transference through a new lens: the nervous system

When most people hear the word transference, they think therapy jargon- clients projecting their past onto their therapist.  But what if transference isn't just a therapy thing?  What if it's playing out every day...in parenting, in partnerships , even in how we relate to ourselves?

This series explores transference through a new lens:  the nervous system.  Drawing on insights form Dr. Bruce Perry, Selma Fraiberg's Ghosts in the Nursery, Dr. Aimie Apigian's Biology of Trauma and the NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM), we'll explore how early attachment disruptions shape survival styles, how those adaptations show up in the body, and most importantly, how we can heal.

Each post builds on the last guiding you from understanding the roots of attachment pain, to recognizing survival styles, to working witht the body's bracing patterns, and finally to reclaiming aliveness and connection.

This isn't about "what's wrong with you?" It's about "what happened to you" and how those early adaptations took root.  Because when we can see our patterns with compassion, we can begin to shift them...not just for ourselves...but for our children and future generations.

Here's what you'll find in this series:

Part 1:  Rethink Transference in Trauma & Relationships

Early childhood shapes more than memories--it shapes how we feel, think, and connect with others. When a child's emotional needs aren't consistently met, their attacment system (part of brain and body that learns safety and trust) can be disrupted.

This can show up as intense emotions, stress reactions, or feeling "stuck" in old patterns (nervous system dysregulation). Read More

Part 2:  Why Kids Push Away What They Need Most

Have you ever noticed how kids sometimes push away exactly what they’re asking for? A hug, reassurance, help with homework — one moment they’re reaching out, the next they’re shutting down or lashing out.

It’s confusing, right? But here’s the truth: this isn’t defiance. It’s survival.  Read More

Part 3:  Breaking the Distress Cycle- How Survival Styles Show Up in the Body

Trauma isn’t just a story in your head — it’s stored in your body. And that’s why even long after the danger is over, your body may still be bracing as if it needs to survive.

The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) study showed that early adversity doesn’t just shape emotional health — it wires into our biology. Higher ACE scores correlate with increased risks for heart disease, diabetes, autoimmune issues, chronic fatigue, and even shortened lifespan.  Read More

Part 4:  When Survival Takes Root- How Childhood Attachment Wounds Shape Adult Patterns

"When caregivers consistently meet these needs, the child develops self-regulation, a healthy sense of of self, and the capacity for secure relationships. (Heller & LaPierre, 2012)"

But when these needs are unmet, children adapt. They forfeit part of themselves to preserve the attachment. These adaptations begin as life-saving strategies, but over time, they harden into states and traits, nervous system patterns, identity distortions, and health vulnerabilities.  Read More

Part 5: From Ghosts to Guardians- What Can We Do to Build Resilience After Attachment Wounds

Children don’t start with words. They speak through their bodies....crying, reaching, arching, freezing. When those signals go unseen or unacknowledged, the nervous system learns: I’m on my own. This dysregulation isn’t just “fussiness," it’s the body’s alarm system firing without relief.

Without early recognition and support, these imbalances set the stage for:

• Coping behaviors like substance use, disordered eating, or unsafe sexual activity
• Chronic activation of the stress response system
• Triggering genetic vulnerabilities for anxiety, depression, autoimmune disorders, or heart disease.....Read More

Your next step? Enroll in When You’ve Lost Your Spark: Why You’re So Tired, Foggy, and Anxious-where we take these insights off the page and into your daily life.

Enjoy this free Resilience Guide and start finding calm in your day......today!

Photo by Kateryna Hliznitsova on Unsplash