When Telling Your Story Heals… and When It Hurts

Vicki Johnson Author

For some of us, telling our story too soon, too fast, or without the right support can actually retraumatize our nervous system.

We’ve all heard the phrase “tell your story to heal.”  There’s a difference between telling your story and reliving it.
One liberates you.  The other keeps your nervous system looping in survival.

And yes, storytelling can be deeply empowering. It gives language to pain, helps organize chaotic memories, and offers meaning where confusion once lived. Telling your story can be one of the most powerful parts of healing.... or one of the most painful.

Here’s the truth few people talk about:  Before we find words, we have to find safety.
Because when the body still feels unsafe, even the truth can sound like a threat.

Healing isn’t about re-living the pain, it’s about releasing it from the body.

When your nervous system is still flooded, revisiting trauma can feel like re-entering the fire instead of walking through the ashes.  We don't have to re-live the pain; we help our body finally understand that it’s over.

The Sequence Matters

You don’t have to dig into every painful detail of your past to build resilience.
You don’t need to “tell it all” to move forward.

In fact, sometimes that keeps the body in survival.  In my early therapy experience, repeating a painful story over and over left me depleted and re-wounded.

Building resilience starts by gently dropping into the body, not the biography. This can take time if you've lived a life in survival and disconnected.

Your body carries the story long before your mouth ever forms the words.
When you learn to notice your breath, regulate your stress responses, and create internal safety..... that’s when the nervous system finally whispers, “It’s safe to remember now.”

That’s the moment when telling your story becomes empowering instead of re-wounding.

Truth Threatens Comfort

It’s a painful paradox: speak your truth, and you risk being silenced.

Let’s be honest: One of the hardest parts of healing is realizing that not everyone will celebrate your voice.

When you start speaking truth, especially about childhood trauma, abuse, heartbreak, or betrayal,  some people often react with discomfort instead of empathy.

They’ll shame, judge, or silence you.

• They change the subject
• They minimize your pain
• They call you "too sensitive," "too negative," or "attention-seeking."

They’ll say things like:

• “Why can’t you just get over it?”

• “Everyone goes through stuff — stop being dramatic.”

• “You should forgive and move on.”

• “You’re making your family look bad.”

Sound familiar?

Here’s the thing: their reaction isn’t about you.

It’s about them, their unhealed pain, their fear of exposure, their discomfort with vulnerability.  They mock because deep down, they envy the courage it takes to speak.

But make no mistake:
There’s nothing wrong with telling your story.

Speaking is part of healing.
Silence protects pain, not people.

The Roots of Silence

Many of us grew up in families where silence was survival.
We learned the rules early:
“Don’t talk about what happens at home.”
“Pretend everything’s fine.”
“Strong people don’t show emotions.”

So when someone breaks that pattern, when you do what they never had the courage or freedom to do — it activates them.

Your truth shakes the system they’ve built to avoid their own pain.

The Point Was Never Attention...... It Was Freedom

If you’ve ever been told,
“You talk too much about your pain,” or
“Stop seeking attention,”

please hear this:
You’re not seeking attention, you’re seeking freedom.

You’re learning to regulate your body.
You’re integrating your story instead of being ruled by it.
You’re breaking generational silence and modeling healing for the ones who come after you.

And that’s sacred work.

When People Keep You in the Box You’ve Outgrown

Not everyone will see how far you’ve come.
Some will keep you in a box labeled with your past mistakes or old versions of you — especially if they haven’t done their own work.

That’s okay.
You don’t have to prove your healing to anyone. You don’t owe anyone the old version of yourself.  You don’t need to justify your healing to those still protecting their pain.

We’re all doing the best we can with the awareness we have.
And when we know better, we do better.

The Real Healing Begins...

Real healing begins when we stop judging how people express their pain and start listening to what that pain is trying to protect.

Because behind every story is a nervous system doing its best to survive.
And every time we choose empathy over judgment, we help someone else remember that healing is possible.

So keep speaking, but do it in a way that honors your body’s pace.
You don’t have to rush your story.....it will unfold naturally when safety leads the way.

Because the goal was never to tell the story perfectly.
It was to live a life that no longer needs to hide it.

If this resonates, explore these next steps:
Check out my complimentary webinar:  Heal Your Inner Child & Unleash Your True Self

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For some of us, healing doesn’t always start with talking, it starts with learning to feel safe enough to listen.

Categories: : Empathy, Resilience, Stress, Trauma